How to Grow Your Resiliency Quotient: the 5 Imposter Syndrome Architypes - ep 162

You're listening to the Vet Staff podcast, the place where you, the veterinary professional, can go to get your head screwed on straight, so you can get excited about going to work on Monday mornings being the most fantabulous version of you you can be, so you can live your best life. I'm your show host, julie South, and this is episode 162. Today we're continuing with part 6 on developing one of your secret superpowers your resilience quotient. We're looking at the four Ps of impostor syndrome this is part 2 from part 1 last week and the five impostor syndrome archetypes. And then ways, steps you can put into place to sharpen another of your resiliency quotient tools so you can become more resiliently intelligent Resilience fortitude. Think of it as a muscle, the one that lets you flex, bend and bounce forward no matter what life and or work throws at you. When you have those pear shaped events in your life, it's the gritty grace under pressure, the inner strength that keeps you steady when the going gets rough, that steadfast spirit that surfaces amid strife. Have you ever wondered what makes some people bounce forward from setbacks stronger than ever before? Or have you ever felt like you're just one stressor away from burning out or melting down? What if there's a skill you can learn to prevent that? Well, there is. It's resilience, and it can be both learned and strengthened. And make sure you stay right to the end, because we're going to add some more super easy tools that you can add to your resiliency quotient toolbox and you can start using them straight away. It'll make the world of difference in your life, maybe even the world of difference in your kids life, and it'll be a way for you to get over any shades of imposter syndrome you might have going on in your head. The Vet Staff podcast is proudly powered by vetclinicjobscom, the new and innovative global job board reimagining veterinary recruitment, connecting veterinary professionals with clinics that shine online. Vetclinicjobscom is your go to resource for finding the perfect career opportunities and helping vet clinics power up their employer branding game. Visit vetclinicjobscom today to find vet clinics that shine online. So veterinary professionals can find them Vetclinicjobscom. Last week we covered how you can use the Effort framework E F F O R T as a way to catch yourself or someone else whenever you hear those little niggly or out loud imposter voice start up its chitter chatter in your head. Effort is expertise, focus, foundation ownership, results and training. If you haven't added that to your resiliency toolbox. Go back and listen to last week's episode. Now You're looking for episode 161. Today we're going to look at imposter syndrome in a bit more depth, because it's a biggie in the veterinary sector. Let's start with the four P's of imposter syndrome Perfectionism start that again. Perfectionism. Procrastination, people pleasing and pessimism. Back in 1978, pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Iams wrote the published paper the Imposter Syndrome in High Achieving Women Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention. I'll put links in the show notes for you to that. While Clance and Iams didn't originally use the term the four P's of imposter syndrome, this concept has been expanded. It's been expanded upon over the years since by various experts, speakers and authors, so it's kind of a known thing. The four P's often refer to the patterns of behavior or the thought that people with imposter syndrome may exhibit to varying degrees Problem you may be able to relate, especially if you're a perfectionist or a recovering perfectionist. This means that you set extremely high expectations for yourself and you feel like a failure when you fall short of achieving these perfect standards. Living and working with a perfectionist is a bit like living or working with a saint. In other words, it's really hard work. A few years ago, one guy I know once told me that at home he no longer bothers helping his wife out with household chores, especially the laundry, because he knows she's a perfectionist, by the way, because he knows she'll just put all the washing back in the washing machine and do it again because he never does it the right way. Same thing if he vacuums, she'll go around after him and redo it because it wasn't done to her impossibly high standards In their relationship. He takes care of his own laundry and leaves her to do her own. What about procrastination? This is when you put off or avoid doing things or tasks for fear of not being able to complete them perfectly or to meet your very high standards your own very high standards. The same couple that I was talking about with the laundry and having to redo it or he won't do it. They built their own home about 35 years ago. Back then, city councils were able to sign off on partially completed residential houses even if interior walls weren't lined. You can't do that today. They need to be lined. That is that the framing was up but they still had to be jibbed. This house is still incomplete 35 years later. Only in the last couple of years have the interior walls been lined and doors hung in their frames. However, the walls have still to be painted, and who knows when that's going to happen? Because the woman of the house knows she just procrastinated about doing this. She hasn't done it because she knows that she will never find someone who will plaster or decorate perfectly the way she wants it done. This means that for the last 35 years they've lived in a partially completed home. This is a great example of where perfectionism and procrastination have gotten the way of living in a lovely home. How about paralysis? This is where a perfectionist feels so overwhelmed by the fear of failure or of being exposed as a fraud that they become totally immobilized and unable to take action. We're not talking here the flight freeze or fright response. Instead, we're talking the inability to make a decision. Again, the couple that I refer to just now. When they go out to a restaurant, she's totally unable to make a decision about what to order. If the waitstaff ask for her order, first, she'll let them know that she's still making up her mind. Then she'll ask someone what they're having and she'll order the same. It's just a meal. It's unlikely to kill her, but she's incapable of ordering in case she orders the wrong thing. When asked, how can it be the wrong thing? Because I've done that, she'll say that she might not make the right choice, but she's happy to accept someone else's wrong choice. I don't quite know how that works, but that's paralysis. An example of a perfectionist who suffers from paralysis as well People pleasing Perfectionists who go to amazing lengths to get acceptance and approval from others to prove their own self-worth, often to their own detriment. Can you relate to any of those? Do you people, please, do you suffer from paralysis? Won't make a decision Because you're scared of making the wrong decision. Procrastination you put off doing something in case you fail at it. And then there's perfectionism, where nobody else can be perfect and you can't be perfect. From their research, clients and Ims found that people in their research women, mostly women who feel like imposters often come from one of two family backgrounds and dynamics. In the first, they've got a sibling who's considered the smart one in the family. These people are told that they're the sensitive or socially skilled child. Their family implies that they can never be as intelligent as their sibling. No matter what they achieve or accomplish, they will never be that way. One part of them believes this. Another part wants to disprove it. School gives them a chance to prove their intelligence to their family and themselves. They get excellent grades and they get excellent praise from their teachers. Yet despite all of this, their family still considers the other siblings smarter. While this is going on, they feel even more driven to gain validation for their intellect. Yet at the same time, they doubt themselves. They seriously doubt themselves. They start to wonder whether it was their charm that fooled the teachers. Thus the first seeds of imposter syndrome have been planted. In the second background, the family tells the child that she because the study people were women, girls she, she can do anything perfectly with ease. She constantly hears stories of her amazingness To her family. She can do no wrong and is perfect. However, she can't do everything easily. But because she feels obligated to meet her family's impossible expectations, even though she knows that she can't keep up the act because she's praised so abundantly, she starts to distrust her parents' perception of her abilities and then she begins to doubt herself. At school, her hard work contradicts her internalised and somewhat warped and skewed definition of genius as being someone who achieves easily, but things aren't easy for her. So therefore she knows she's not perfect and therefore, through another warped and skewed lens, concludes she must be an intellectual fraud. Do either of these situations ring true for you or maybe for somebody you know? Maybe even if you've got kids or grandkids, they could be ringing true for them as well. Although I personally, julie, have a shade of imposter syndrome going on from time to time in my own head, I don't relate to either of these situations, either of these two situations. There's no way anyone can describe me as a genius. I worked exceptionally hard. There's no way anybody can do that, can say that of me. They're the one with the problem if they do not me. I worked exceptionally hard to be average in a top-streamed class at high school, while most of my friends cruised through getting A's and A plus's. They're the ones probably suffering from imposter syndrome right now. And as the eldest child by four years, I wasn't really compared intellectually to my siblings because of that age difference. However, in saying this, I know that I have to keep up that. What right do I have to be at this table voice in my head in check from time to time, because that's what happens in my head. What right do I have to be? What right do I have to sit at this table? According to Dr Valerie Young, who is the author of the Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, why capable people suffer from the imposter syndrome and how to thrive in spite of it, there are five types of imposters, and I use that term imposters, in air quotes. So these are the five archetypes that I talked about before. We have the perfectionist they're the ones who get anxious about how things are done, the person whose primary focus is on how something is done instead of the overall outcome. If this is you, despite receiving praise, you still believe you could have done better. Now, this is something I can relate to, because I was brought up with my dad always telling me I always could have done better, I always could have tried harder, so I can relate to this. The expert this is the person who's fearful of having a lack of knowledge. If you're concerned about what and how much you know or can do, then you may suffer from an expert mindset. In situations where you've got even a minor lack of knowledge, this extreme expectation of yourself can bring feelings of failure and shame. So even when you're learning something, you expect straight away that the expectation on you is to be the expert Whoa the soloist. If this is you, then you'll get anxious over the pressure of the need to handle things alone. You'll focus more on who carries out the task than anything else. This type of imposter in air quotes imposter believes that you've got to be the one to do everything on your own. If you fall into this archetype, you may believe that asking for help or putting your hand up for assistance is a sign of weakness. Then we have the natural genius. That's never going to be me. You'll get anxious and stressed over not being able to succeed at something on the first attempt. This type of imposter measures their competence by speed and ease. If this is you, you'll equate to not understanding a subject or performing a skill successfully on the first attempt, with failure. So natural geniuses are into speed and ease. Otherwise they consider everything else a failure. And then there's a superhuman sure we know some of these who feels guilty when they can't please everyone. This describes someone who measures their success by how many roles they can both juggle and and master. So they're not happy with just juggling a lot. They have to be perfect at all those balls, at keeping all those plates in the air, or those balls in the air. If this is you, you'll start to feel guilty and ashamed when you fall short in any role into a teeny, tiny, wincy, wincy little bit of shortcoming. It doesn't matter that you're currently juggling, juggling, juggling. It sounds like a the jugular, doesn't it? Maybe that's what it feels like that's going to be cut. It doesn't matter that you're currently juggling many balls and that you're excelling in them. One minus slip up to you sends you in a downward spiral because you have to be superhuman. So those five again are the perfectionist they're the how something's done. The expert they have an expert mindset, and anything short of that is shame. The soloist that's the who. They need to do everything by themselves. Anything else is a weakness. They've got the natural genius there into speed and ease on the very first attempt. And then you've got the superhuman. With these added insights, what can you do to start cutting yourself some slack? Firstly, please accept that you're only human and someone started planting the seed in your mind when you were probably too young to appreciate exactly what was happening, too young to recognise the expectations being placed on you and that others were putting on you, or guess what? Now that you're old enough to know, it's time to cut yourself some slack. Be gentle and be gentle with yourself and please get over yourself. I say that with respect, with love, with smiles. Get over yourself. One of the first things you can do is quit saying I hear this so often haha, that's the imposter syndrome talking. Stop it, please, because when you do that, you're not helping anyone. All you're doing is attempting to justify actually having it and not doing anything about it. Because what happens when people say that? When they say, haha, that's the imposter syndrome talking, then they beat themselves up on the inside for not being the perfectionist, the expert, the soloist, the natural genius or the superhuman. They think that everyone thinks they are, and then they'll start stressing if they're not already about getting sprung and about getting caught out. So please stop reinforcing that label of yourself. It's an unrealistic mental place to hang out. It's a crazy place to hang out. So next time you hear yourself or someone else, it could be somebody you work with. It could be somebody at home. Your kids, your grandkids Say something like remind yourself of the effort framework. I did this last week. Take them through it, please expertise, focus, foundation ownership, results and training. Know that nothing can happen, whatever it is that you're justifying waiting to be sprung for. All of those things had to be in play in order for you to be recognized like that. Remind yourself that all of those things expertise, focus, foundation ownership, results and training have been essential for whatever it is you seem to want to pass off as luck or coincidence or any other any other thing that had nothing to do with your learned skill or expertise effort. Another thing you can do is include looking for evidence. We've all got our own stories going on in our heads. Some might be true, some might not be, some we've made up out of nowhere. So start looking for the evidence. You're a doctor or a nurse. When it comes to your patience, you're always looking for evidence to back something up, so make sure you do it with yourself. Where's the evidence that what you are downplaying right now, what you believe you're the imposter of, was all about luck? Where's the evidence to back that up? Where's the evidence that you were in the right place at the right time and it had nothing to do with your skill? Where's the evidence that anyone could have done what you did when it came down to luck or being in the right place? Whatever it is you are downplaying. Where's the evidence that proves otherwise? Right Evidence? Hope I've got that through. Next, have a strategy to flush your imposter syndrome down the drain by knowing when imposter syndrome might rear its ugly head in your world. For example, are there certain people, locations, situations that always trigger that supercritical voice in your head? If so, start creating a strategy ahead of time, maybe even now. Now there's an idea to ensure that you don't get triggered. Or, if you do get triggered, you've got a good response on how to manage that. The more you plan ahead and the more you go through different scenarios in your head over and over again, the less chance imposter syndrome will come back to bite you. Let's face it having imposter syndrome seriously isn't a good space to be in, is it? You can't live your best life or be your best self if you believe that you're not good enough or it's only a matter of time before you're going to be sprung and prove to everybody, the whole world, the whole wide world, that you're not good enough. That's so sad. You can't live your best life living like that. If you've got kids, how's that being a good example to them? Surely you owe it to yourself and to those you love to live your best life and be your best self. After all, you're presumably expecting something similar from those who are important to you. Effort, it takes your expertise, it's required your focus. You've laid the foundation, own the outcome. You were responsible for the results and it was your training that brought about the result. Effort, effort, please also know that you're not alone In high achievers. It's actually more common than you think. So please let go of any shame you might be feeling about being sprung because it ain't going to happen unless, of course, you cheated in every single exam and managed to bluff your way through varsity and everything that you've done at every work, every day. Since it's not going to happen, you're not going to get sprung because you're not an imposter. You deserve to be where you are. Next, ask yourself where, when and from whom did your younger self take on board that you had to be perfect? Where did that pressure come from? If you could go back and talk to your younger self now, knowing what you know about the unrealistic expectations you've been setting yourself over the years, what would you say to your younger you? What's stopping you from taking that advice on board today? Ask yourself whether you want to spend the next 5, 10, 15, 25, 35, 50 years, 60 years of your life, trying to be perfect? Do you want to spend all the years you have left waiting for the other shoe to drop? If you're listening to this in your 20 and thinking the next 60 years, whatever, each decade goes fast, real fast. Start living your best life now. If you're looking for some resources, I'll put them in the show notes for you. Visit betstaffconz, look for the podcast page and the resources will be there for you. Episode 162. Another thing you can do. One of the current leaders and self development, mel Robbins, said when she was a guest on the Entrepreneurs Studio podcast just last week, as it last week as it recording this three of the most powerful words anyone who's battling imposter syndrome can say are I don't know, but I'll find out for you. I don't know, but I'll find out for you. That puts you in control. Tune in next week, because next week will be unpacking the importance of self composure as a tool to sharpen up your resiliency toolbox. I hope you found this helpful. If you did, can I ask you to do me a favor, please? Please, help me spread the Vet Staff podcast word by telling three of your friends or colleagues about how this show helps veterinary professionals get their heads screwed on straight so you can get excited about going to work on Monday mornings. If you enjoyed today's podcast, then please hit that follow button wherever you're listening to this right now, because it means that you'll automatically receive next week's episode direct to your audio feed, which is going to be all about self composure. I look forward to spending another half an hour or so with you next week when we'll be looking at self composure as a tool for you to become more resilient and to increase your resilience quotient. This is Julie South signing off and inviting you to go out there and be the most fantabulous and resilient version of you you can be by screwing your head on straight and getting excited about going to work on Monday mornings. The Vet Staff podcast is proudly powered by vetclinicjobscom, the new and innovative global job board reimagining veterinary recruitment, connecting veterinary professionals with clinics that shine online. Vetclinicjobscom is your go to resource for finding the perfect career opportunities and helping vet clinics power up their employer branding game. Visit vetclinicjobscom today to find vet clinics that shine online so veterinary professionals can find them. Visit vetclinicjobscom.