Deep Knowing: A journey of self trust with Elizabeth

Speaker 1: 1:29

Do you ever feel like you're out growing alcohol, that you are longing for a deeper connection to life? If alcohol is keeping you playing small and feels like the one area you just can't figure out, you are in the right place. Hi, my name is Mary Wagstaff. I'm a holistic alcohol coach who ended a 20-year relationship to alcohol without labels, counting days or ever making excuses. Now I help powerful women just like you eliminate their desire to drink on their own terms. In this podcast, we will explore the revolutionary approach of my proven five-shifts process that gets alcohol out of your way by breaking all of the rules, and the profound experience that it is to rediscover who you are on the other side of alcohol. I am so thrilled to be your guide. Welcome to your journey of awakening. Welcome back to the show. My beautiful listeners, thank you so much for being here for another episode. You are in for a treat. I couldn't be more honored to have this very special guest on our show today. It is a client who has really truly defined to me what it means to go beyond alcohol, and she is such an example of what is possible when you show up to have your own back and you commit with conviction Elizabeth. Welcome to the show.

Speaker 2: 2:57

Thank you so much, Mary. That was such a nice introduction. I appreciate it.

Speaker 1: 3:02

Yes, you are so welcome and thank you so much for being here. Our listeners really are in, for you have so much wisdom you've shared with me. I have learned so much through our time together and I'm just so thrilled for you to offer some of this connection that I know will resonate so greatly and your experience to inspire people today, so it just means so much to me as well. So I always just like to start on a positive note of just telling us in this current moment what are you delighting in, what feels really magical and awesome for you in your life right now?

Speaker 2: 3:43

Yeah, I love that question so much. I am just celebrating being so present in my body and just being present in each moment and not trying to get anywhere, just really settling into where I am and letting that be so okay.

Speaker 1: 4:10

Yeah, that's so beautiful. I love that. Tell me a little bit about how that shift of perspective has. What is the impact of that on your life?

Speaker 2: 4:23

Oh, so many. It's kind of everything. Honestly, I'm just having so much more fun. The littlest things. It feels kind of silly, but coffee tastes better, the sun feels warmer, my pillow is softer, there's, I think. In hindsight I don't think I delighted so much in all of the joys of life before and now it just. I'm so thankful for everything that I have. I just feel so much more alive.

Speaker 1: 5:03

Yeah, oh my gosh, yes, what a good note to start out. I was just talking about this with my mother yesterday too, and how we were kind of sold these extremes and sometimes we just keep going for the extreme of the rich food or the drinking. Obviously is just what we're talking about and it's like these high highs, but then of course, there's these low lows and a lot of the pleasure. The natural pleasure is subtle. Right, there's a subtlety to it, but it's. But like the way you described it was just so beautiful. It's like there's, I don't know. I just feel like this wholesomeness and this really beautiful, it's just a gift. It's a gift that's right in front of us for the taking.

Speaker 2: 5:52

Absolutely, and I think for so long I was just always striving for just trying to reach some other quote, unquote, non-existent place, like just trying to get to something. There's always a and not that having goals is not good, but I didn't. I don't think I really. I thought I was slowing down and but now it's just. It just feels so much different, yeah.

Speaker 1: 6:22

Yeah, absolutely. Well, we're going to talk about how you made that change and the whole process to get there. So I would love for you just to tell our audience because I do think this is what is real, can be relatable. It's just like a little bit about your background story, like your alcohol story and kind of how it started and and a little bit about that journey.

Speaker 2: 6:44

Absolutely Well. I kind of can't remember a time without alcohol being in my life. It was always there, I, I it was kind of the sixth member of my family, honestly, daily. When I was a kid, it was just always present. It was magnified on holidays and vacations. It really was the norm. There was no, it was. I wouldn't have known any different. It would have been weird if it wasn't around. I didn't really start drinking heavily until about my mid twenties and I always drank vacations you know Christmas holidays but heavily, kind of like my daily drinking didn't start until mid to late twenties and that kind of continued. That was a little bit started by some back problems I had and it's kind of the only thing that took the edge off and that just perpetuated into. It became kind of an everyday thing for me for the next 20 something years, without with very few exceptions and honestly you know it was. There was a lot of fun and good times, but hindsight, you know 2020, there was a lot of problems with it, but it didn't really start to impact me so much until like the last year or two of my life, this year, and I had tried so many times to quit, like you know, I for 10 years, the past 10 years, I I kind of just I tried willpower, I I tried everything honestly and it was just it just became this groundhog's day. It was like I just I was in a loop and and just in this past year it just got really dark and really bad and and then I found you.

Speaker 1: 9:03

Yeah, and I think that all of that is so can be so relatable. It's just the fact that it seems like a very normal progression, right. It's like you know, it was like around and holidays and all these things, and then, you know, getting more into adulthood, it's like you kind of use it to start solving some problems, right, like pain, yeah, and then, yeah, before you know it, it's this, it's an everyday occurrence. And tell me a little bit about like in those 10 years? Because, even even though it felt like it was, you know, maybe, like you said, darker in the last year or two, like what in those 10 years, were you wanting to change? Like when you were, when you said you were trying to quit, or using willpower, like why?

Speaker 2: 10:01

I was just so tired of, you know, I had just this ridiculous routine. I would, you know, I would always make sure I had something to drink you know, a bottle of wine in the house before I went to work, and in case I got out of work late, I wouldn't, you know, I would still have it when I got home. And you know just this endless loop and the hangovers and the anxiety, and I just I was so tired of feeling that way and for me it was so confusing, because here's this thing, this, you know substance in a bottle that did relieve my, you know the stress and the pressure, and you know whatever that was, there was such relief in that. And then you know, the next day you feel like shit and I'm like, okay, you know, I, it was just this endless loop, I just didn't. I never knew how to go about it and I always talked to myself and sit back into drinking, because, you know, you give yourself a day or two and you feel better and then it just starts all over again.

Speaker 1: 11:08

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. What do you? What is your awareness of that endless loop now, Like, how do you see that differently? You know that's kind of a big question, but no, that's a really good question.

Speaker 2: 11:24

Well, now I have the tools, now I can. Now, if I start looping in my head, I can stop it, I can interrupt it.

Speaker 1: 11:35

Yes, okay, yes, so we should talk about that. Yeah, it's so good, right, because there is, there's this loop. It's like, and you know, we know through our work together, and everything I share on the show is that there's an emotion associated with the urge. Right, the urge isn't necessarily just the standalone experience, exactly, yeah, yeah, right. So now that you have more information, so even before, what was the catalyst that had you seeking something different, like, right, like you said, in this last year or before we've met? Tell me a little bit about that.

Speaker 2: 12:15

What made me want to stop?

Speaker 1: 12:18

Yeah, what had you reached? Like looking for something new, like finding the podcast and then reaching out.

Speaker 2: 12:25

Well, it was I just realized in this past year, you know, I had a couple of traumatic things happen to me and it's I just realized that my capacity to handle things was so small and I and I was just I, there was just this deep knowing that there's so much more for me and that this, it was so clear to me that this had run its course and that I had to, you know, find a way to get to the other side.

Speaker 1: 13:03

Yes, yeah, and that that piece, like I love that you say this deep knowing I think that there's a lot of that with a lot of art listeners and I know the women that I've worked with personally and myself that there's this kind of this is what it is, it's this thing that you don't really know how to articulate. Even that there is this. There's something more than than an alcohol, yes, but even I think it's even deeper than that, like it's just a different way to live life.

Speaker 2: 14:24

Yes, yeah, you know, I wouldn't I, if you had told me, oh, that I would be sitting here and in this beautiful container that you've, you know, helped me create and created with me this new part of my life, I, I would have never believed you. You know, it's like this thing, this, you know, part of my used to be part of myself concept was, yeah, I couldn't see beyond that.

Speaker 1: 14:56

Yeah, Well, you had to have seen something beyond it, because you said yes to yourself.

Speaker 2: 15:02

Yes, I knew there, and that's all you really need is is that knowing, that willingness to step into it.

Speaker 1: 15:10

Yes, and that's oh my gosh, elizabeth, that's so important for people to know. It's because there is so much fear around, so talk to me a little bit about that. You know, you listen to the show, you reached out and you said yes to moving forward and what. What were some of the thoughts and that process like for you?

Speaker 2: 15:31

Yeah, well, it's funny because I had quit drinking, like at the beginning of August, and I was listening to the podcast every day and I was feeling super motivated. And then it was like week three and I drank and it was like the worst experience ever. And that was the moment that I decided to reach out to you. It was like this, you know, because I knew something had to change and it wasn't just like okay, you know, I'm going to stop drinking, like you, you have to. You got to change your the process of things. I'm sorry, I don't think I answered your question.

Speaker 1: 16:12

Yeah, that's okay. So there was yeah. No, this is great. This is great because this stuff shows up that you know is part of all of it. So it's. It was like knowing that there was something more that you needed to learn right, that it wasn't just about quitting.

Speaker 2: 16:28

Yes, I knew that there, there, there was a process and and I and I so resonated with hearing your about your program and you know, really getting in there and changing the thinking, like that, and I was like you know, that was like, okay, I need to know what. What she's doing, yeah.

Speaker 1: 16:51

So what had? How did you say yes, what? And? And were you nervous? And what was that whole experience like for you to create investment for yourself, that initial Absolutely?

Speaker 2: 17:04

It was a really big one and I don't even think I've told you some of the stuff that came up for me. I yeah, it was, it was. This is interesting, yeah. So I, after our first, and it was funny, like I, I remember our, our, the introductory call was like two days after I reached out to you and I think it was August 16. And I was so nervous, I was a mess, and I just like I knew that I was going to do it because I got on that zoom call and said, yes, you know, normally if I was that scared I would have run the other way, like there was something more to it. It was just this and I, I just knew I had to do it. I really did. And then, as far as, like, investing in it, I had all of these kind of funny thoughts about like, oh my gosh, you know well, I could do this, I could do that. And the final thought that I had was that this is the only thing that I need to spend, invest in right now. This is, there is nothing else, without you know yeah, yeah, yeah, and and let's, so let's go.

Speaker 1: 18:20

That's such a good thought because I there are some these things where it's just like this is it there's. What else is there if I don't have this?

Speaker 2: 18:30

And so what?

Speaker 1: 18:31

is this? I don't have this. I don't have anything, but what is this?

Speaker 2: 18:38

this is the opening, breaking open all of the things that you thought were true. You know, if you feel fed up with with how, you know whether it's your relationship with alcohol and you don't know how to go about it or or how to see the end, this program, and you marry just so beautifully, just break it wide open and you know, you get to find out all of these amazing things about yourself and you get to clear the space for these beautiful things that have been there and just haven't had the the space to come in, haven't had the room, haven't had the light to come in.

Speaker 1: 19:27

Yeah, yes, letting. Oh, my gosh, you're so beautiful, that was so beautiful and like, and that's what it is right. It's like you know you're breaking it open and shining the light on the fact that, of course, you can handle it, and you know we've talked about this a lot recently of just, we don't, even with alcohol. It's like you don't even give yourself a chance sometimes to see how would I respond. You know when do this stressful situation that it's automatically you know I can't handle it. Let me have a drink, exactly, and that you know that that, so that well worn groove in your brain that's so used to, no matter what it is whether it's a long day or you know, an uncomfortable emotion and the you know your, your brain, just like, oh, let's have a drink.

Speaker 2: 20:25

You know it's time and you know I, if you would, I never would have thought that I'd be able to give myself what I needed, with my own love and thoughts, and reframing everything and feeling better really shortly after doing that. You know, like I never thought that was, I didn't know how, yeah, yeah absolutely.

Speaker 1: 20:54

Yeah, it's like you didn't know what you were thinking about. It's like you didn't know what that was, but you were completely capable of doing it. So let's talk about that a little bit like what was the solution for interrupting the cycle, the loop and I know it's not really straightforward at all the time but the solution and the process, like how you're doing this on a daily basis, because Elizabeth is amazing. I just have to tell everyone I have to give you so many props. You're a fucking warrior. Like you are a warrior as like this woman has shown up with her sword of discernment and staked her claim and she, I will cry thinking about it. Elizabeth, it's like you were not going to give up and even when it was hard and you it hurt, like you just kept coming back and and you had that breakthrough to be on the other side, and it doesn't mean like the coast is clear, no more, you know no problems ever again, but like I just think you really generated the evidence that you needed. Yes, so how did? you wield your sword. How did you? What was the, what was the solution and what was the process?

Speaker 2: 22:09

Yeah, well, I think, with the interrupting, you know, I really used the portal of empowerment in the beginning a lot I that was, you know, when I was kind of relearning, like looking at my thoughts and and battling the urges and just kind of like invest. I was just investigating everything. I was just watching the way my brain responded to stress and just really getting super curious about everything. And at first, you know, it wasn't easy, like I. I the key for me, the, the breakthrough, well, there was a couple, and having separating the emotion and the thought was a big one for me. Like feeling when an urge would come up, you know, and using identifying, as you know, identify identification for sensation, like when, when that comes up. I at first I couldn't, I couldn't figure out how to. Okay, there's an emotion happening in my body. I didn't know that I could separate that from the thought, and so that really got me into practicing that, where you put all of the focus on what you're feeling in your body and the thought almost becomes irrelevant at that point and then you can retrain your mind and you can come up with a new thought, you know something that feels better. So that was my first kind of breakthrough but honestly, the biggest one was compassion. It was just coming in and just learning how to self-validate and reparent and you know, it's okay holding my own hand, really giving myself that trust, and that's when I started to do that. I just feel like the floodgates opened, and not only. You know. That was such a ripple effect for me, like just I just wanted to hold everybody. You know like it was, like this beautiful outpouring of it's okay, you know this is the these extremes that I was feeling with alcohol in my life and all of this these. You know my emotions were so imbalanced and this just gave me the capacity to really just validate and feel better.

Speaker 1: 24:44

You know, on my own, yes, absolutely, and I would love for you. I know that I remember these specific times too, and there was like a time where you had said something about you know kind of shaming that part of you or not shaming it, but it's like I want her to go away, and can you tell us about that?

Speaker 2: 25:08

Absolutely. Yeah, that was a big, big one for me, because I one of the last times I drank and this will happen in the process. You know, like you, once you start doing this work, you kind of can't undo what you're doing, you kind of you know. For me personally, this was my experience. I just saw everything. It was almost like in 3D and I just didn't like who I was, I didn't like what was. You know, it was all of this shaming energy and it kind of brought in all the shame over the years that I've had. Like all of that stuff just started to come to the forefront of my mind and what I realized is that I had to go back and you prompted me to think about this with you know, don't leave her behind. I just wanted to get away from that. I don't. I didn't want to acknowledge her, but the way out to release that fear and shame was to go back and take her hand and say, okay, you know, we're everything's okay, we're moving forward now and I'm with you, with me.

Speaker 1: 26:16

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's such a different gauge and I've been talking about that. I mean that's like. I talked about that on the podcast last week and like, or for this week, because it really out of all of my experience for myself and with all my clients, it is the only like. I think that's part of the this, like this is the only thing that matters, and so it's, you know, and I can't emphasize enough to that when we commit to learning a new way, when we commit to the process and really it's kind of the path of love and self love and working with your values, I mean, I guess I think that that's what our values are right. When we show up to live in alignment with our values, we're living in alignment with love. Essentially, that makes sense to me. So so when you, like you were saying it's like when you just quit drinking, which is kind of what we've been taught it's like, oh, just don't do it, right, okay, great. Well then, what do I do with all these emotions? Because the emotions and the urges are always tied together. Whether or not you realize it, there's always an emotion tied to it and there's always a thought. It's probably some of them are very subconscious and they seem. It seems just like a habit, but there's a reason that that habit formed and so when you remove the alcohol, you have that, you have all these big emotions, you have the emotions underneath, you have the anger, you have all of this stuff and there's got to be. You know, you want to support yourself with that and I think that's why so many people, you know, like you said, you, when you had quit initially it was like okay, like this feels really good, I'm inspired, I know this is the path. I want to go on. But inevitably because and it's interesting that you said three weeks, because in our own cyclical nature it makes sense that, like in three weeks, right, like you would be having some sort of shift in the mood, your hormones, in something that's like okay, now, what? Like now I don't feel so good.

Speaker 2: 28:29

Yeah, yeah. And then it's like, oh my God, I just remember that feeling, that that was like drinking that night. It was like, yeah, there's nothing new here, nothing has changed. It's the same thing. And you know, like that dissatisfaction with the one thing you've always, you know, kind of used to cope and make you feel better when that's. You know, that was one of my big turning points, absolutely yeah.

Speaker 1: 28:56

Yeah, so talk a little bit about that, because I feel like that you know, when we talked about this recently, where it's when you're initially trying to quit alcohol it feels. Well, tell me, tell me the difference about what you when in the past, even before we started working together, recent past, of thinking about a life without alcohol and thinking about it now, like tell me what that felt like.

Speaker 2: 29:24

Oh yeah, those are. Could not be more opposite. I never could have imagined my life. I couldn't see where, how that was going to work. You know, I think part of me thought oh well, I'll just figure it out, I'll learn how to moderate, or you know, there was never, I couldn't see, I had no actual visual picture of that, but I did know there, you know, something had to change. But yeah, to me, I think, in my head, maybe it was, maybe it was moderation, or I'll just, you know, learn how to drink, like normal people drink, which, yeah, doesn't really exist, but it's now. That's totally different. Yeah, I almost can't imagine my life drinking at all, you know and, yeah, I think that's huge.

Speaker 1: 30:20

And so what? What made? I mean you talked about these tools that made the shift, separating the thoughts from emotion, you know, creating an identity for sensation, using the compassionate witness and all of the self validation which really is the. It is the thing like I will take that to the grave and for everything right, not just yes.

Speaker 2: 30:46

Yeah, that it just bleeds out into every area of my life. Yeah, I think it was a week or so ago. I was having, you know, an issue at work and I was feeling really uncomfortable and I just remember I just had this moment. I kind of laughed out loud. I'm like let's sit down and figure out what this emotion is Like. You know, like it was it just really, you've got your armed, you've got your tools, you know you can apply it to anything.

Speaker 1: 31:16

Yeah, Do you find yourself ever I mean even saying like you laughed out loud, but even seeing yourself in an emotion, you know, kind of like I don't know. Like when I'm grouchy for no reason and I just am like, oh my gosh, like now I catch myself and I can't let myself get away with being upset about like? Silly things sometimes.

Speaker 2: 31:39

Absolutely, I can totally relate to that and it's funny, I'll be like, okay, I'll just, you know, say something. I'll even say something that doesn't feel good. You know, I could be talking about someone at work and it's not necessarily. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but something that's not in alignment, that just doesn't feel good to me. That is so heightened now. You know, like, and when you have a negative emotion, I immediately say to myself okay, where, where, where is it? Where are we feeling this, you know? And then I will go through my process of feeling it, slowing down, using my oil and just separating from the thoughts, letting it kind of pass through my body, and then, if I need to or want to, I can reevaluate those thoughts and change them.

Speaker 1: 32:32

Yeah, yeah, and like what's? Yes, oh, my God, it's so good. I know it's true. It's once you've gained a certain level of awareness, you really can't let yourself get away with certain thoughts, because you know that there are a choice and, but it's the both and right. You get to also you, and tell me about this how does it feel different of that Like recognizing your achievements, you know, with this work and beyond? Does that feel like it's a different experience?

Speaker 2: 33:09

Oh, yes, I, yeah, I there. There is nothing more empowering for me as a woman right now in my life than being able to know, absolutely know, that I can handle things and handle my emotions, no matter what it is Like, that I that is the biggest gift that I've been given, truly yeah.

Speaker 1: 33:34

Yeah, they're really, and it's like no matter, like I've got this.

Speaker 2: 33:39

Yeah, and it's, and it's not like, and my, you know, I'm not saying by any means that I don't experience an array of emotions. I do every, every day, and you know the ups and downs are all there, but there's just this, such a it's soft around the edges. Now, you know, like I don't have to go into these, you know crazy high highs and crazy low lows, and it's not the end of the world when something is uncomfortable because I do have my own back. I've, you know, I've, I've created this, this wonderful amount of love for myself that I, you know, I've got this yeah.

Speaker 1: 34:23

Yes. So tell us a little bit about times where it didn't look so smooth, kind of before you, you know, had this where the self compassion felt more accessible, when you were experiencing a lot of resistance. Tell us just a little bit about what that looked like, because I know there's this like gripping that so many people experience at the beginning and it's like, oh, like. But I like yeah, you know, like just to feel.

Speaker 2: 34:56

You know, I definitely, like I was just in this fight with myself and that's kind of before my you know, I realized that I had to kind of go back and collect all of the pieces of me that I was leaving behind. You know that was that came a little bit later. For me, in the beginning, the resistance was really hardcore. It was, you know, there there was the fight within myself that that rebellious you know do not tell me what to do Part of me was coming out and raging like you know, we're going to get a drink, screw this, like that was so, and it would hit me kind of out of nowhere. What felt like out of nowhere. I would be like kind of flying high and feeling really good about everything and then just bam, and I think part of that is just was just the habit. You know that that still does happen. But what I can say is I was freaking out a lot when that did happen in the beginning and, and as time went on, the more that I just said you know what? It's okay, it's okay. You know nothing, nothing has gone wrong. You, you, it's, this is completely okay. You know, it's the. It was the. When I let go. Things started to get softer.

Speaker 1: 36:19

Yeah, absolutely, and I think that that that letting go and trust in knowing that it's okay that these thoughts are here, of course they're going to be here. You've been drinking every day for a while.

Speaker 2: 36:32

Yeah, and you've been doing it for ever to solve. You know to like it, it's been your coping mechanism, even if I didn't know I was doing it when I was drinking. You know it's, it's been your best friend. In a lot of ways, it's been your go to. Of course, there's going to be like this morning and this fight and and yeah, and the trust is huge. Like, yeah, trust is a big part of it.

Speaker 1: 37:00

Yeah, and something that I was just thinking about when you were talking about, I'd be kind of flying high and then this thing would kind of hit me at seemingly out of nowhere. And you know, because I was saying earlier how there's you always an emotion attached with the urge to drink. And I think the distinction is sometimes and I think what? Because I think, because you're processing your emotions more in real time that that resistance isn't building kind of under the surface. Yeah, and so what it comes like, so if a thought comes up, it's not as strong. And then, of course, there's more time in between. I tell this to people all the time we have to feel the urges when they arrive, because if you don't, they will build under the surface and the habit of alcohol has this mind of its own and it will strike as soon as it gets the chance to strike. Yes, and you just have to know that it's not you. It's an efficient habit.

Speaker 2: 38:14

Absolutely. Yeah, it can be very hardcore and, yeah, I think, with more time and more evidence, once you start building that up now, when I have an urge, it's like oh okay, I can see you, I got this. You know what I mean. All of a sudden, the power starts to be less and less and less.

Speaker 1: 38:40

Yes, exactly when you recognize it, and that's why the five shifts process of not avoiding it and substituting and doing other things, that what I say, too, is those things are going to happen, naturally. So talk to us a little bit about that. What has been the impact and you shared some of that of being present earlier, but what has been the impact in other areas? What are you doing?

Speaker 2: 39:12

Yeah, I'm definitely in a space where I just have time to explore what I want to do and new things I want to create, and there's just, I just feel like everything is so wide open, like there is, I feel, unlimited, and that is. It's such a feeling of freedom, and I did go through a period of time where it's like, oh my God, now what do I do? You know, I definitely went that, but I just trusted that too and I just I absolutely feel like, okay, you know, this has been a long time that you were doing something totally different. And now I'm just trying to look at everything like a bright, bright, you know, wonder filled child, honestly, and just being really open to where my heart wants to go, what, my you know what wants to come out of me, because there's a lot and it's exciting. I don't feel like I have to strive for anything right now. I just feel like I feel very naturally where I'm supposed to be.

Speaker 1: 40:33

Yes, and that's what, and there's, there is a lot of that. I think that leads up to using alcohol right, Like there's this, these pressures of achievement and we're supposed to be something or someone who's been doing something all the time right, and the the gift of presence, the gift of being a human alive, connecting to this earth that we're part of, is really not rated as like something that's important or a profound experience, you know.

Speaker 2: 41:15

Yes, yeah, and I think, most of my life, honestly, since I was, you know, 11 years old. It's like whether it was a diet or you know whatever, just something like doing something to reach a finish line and then always feeling so you know, when you get to that finish line, then what you know, there is no finish line. In my opinion, we're never done. You know, like it's. This is just this beautiful journey and to me, yeah, the gift of presence and really just fully being here, that's, I'm just really enjoying it.

Speaker 1: 41:58

Yeah, I am so glad and I can hear it inside of you and it's you know, I've seen it firsthand, of course, the shift in the transformation and it's been such a delight. And what I'm really hearing, what I'm really taking away from everything that you have shared, is that this knowing right, that maybe we, maybe we can't define that knowing is the trust that is required to keep following Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 42:34

Yes, I really do, and just yeah, through your program and with you I you know well, first of all, I never felt anything but totally comfortable and so compassionate and non-judgmental, and it's just. You just created the space for me where I, like I never had to hide or cover anything up, it was just total freedom to explore and to be just so honest and real, and I'm just so incredibly grateful to you, Mary.

Speaker 1: 43:15

Yeah, well, I am so grateful to you too and I'm so glad that you're here and sharing, and if you could, I mean, you've shared so much with our audience, but you know, if you think about yourself, not the other side of this, yeah, and can you tell everyone how long you've been doing this for, because it's pretty mind blowing.

Speaker 2: 43:37

Yeah, this I. We started August 21st, I think, of this year. Yeah, so four months ish.

Speaker 1: 43:46

Yeah, yeah, and obviously you were starting to do some work beforehand on your own and I think that that you know that, like sober, curious curiosity is, you know, for for many of the people that are listening, like it's been happening and it's it's started for them too, and that is a big piece of it and that's why, you know, in our program we don't count days and there's no starting over and it doesn't mean that, you know, you can't be proud of yourself or like being alcohol free. But even that time that before our work together where you weren't drinking, I think I'm sure was like leading into a course to all of this. So, yeah, elizabeth and I have been working together for four months and I think this is so good for people to, to see and to recognize. Is, you know whether it is, you know, like a journey into anything, whether you're pursuing a career and getting a degree or you're, you know, really wanting to. I mean, this is, of course, a lifestyle change for health and wellness as well, but it all takes a little bit of time. But when you look at the bigger picture of your life and you know drinking for 20, 30 years, and then you really make yourself essentially a priority, you know, for four months and you know it's like, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2: 45:14

Yeah, it really. I yeah, like I think I said this to you earlier I literally have to pinch myself like if you I mean you couldn't like, what's that saying? You could have knocked me over with a feather Like I would have never in a million years believed that I would be where I am and how I feel in this moment, and it's and I don't feel deprived of anything. I feel like I've never felt more excited about life. Honestly.

Speaker 1: 45:46

Yeah, yeah, it's so, it's so, so powerful. And can you just talk to people a little bit, because Elizabeth definitely put the work in, and I tell people this because I'm not going to gaslight anyone. It's like the work you put in is the work that you get out and the concepts you know. You, if you just listen to the podcast, obviously, if you're here and you're a regular listener, you're having shifts, you're seeing, you know you're, you're starting to see and hear things in a new way, but it is the application of it that is required. However, it's kind of the way that you just start to see life as well. So what did it look like for you to actually put this work into practice, like on a day to day? What did that look like for you personally?

Speaker 2: 46:30

Yeah, yeah, it is extremely important to. Yeah, you got to show up for yourself. You know I had to like well, okay, so it, in the beginning, you know, I was so like super gung-ho, I was like writing everything down, which I think is a really good thing to do. You know, it's like you just kind of absorb it more and I was taking, I was going through the portal of empowerment, I was doing a lot. But I think you just kind of have to like really practice the, you know, the ETA. You've got to really kind of dive in and find some things that are like that you can start to apply on a day to day basis and you'll just start to things will shift. But you got to, you got to get in there and you got to dig around you know, you got to. for me personally, I had to really just shine that light in, you know, in some darker places for myself and that was important for my journey. But you got to root around in there. You've got to look at your thinking. You've got to be really honest with yourself. Yeah, I was just kind of like you know, we're doing this, like the light is green, let's go. Yeah, absolutely. It's so worth it. It is so worth it to do this work. It really is, yeah.

Speaker 1: 48:00

Yeah, and, like you said, you know when you were at work the other day how you you know. So then it's not. You can use these practices and these tools in everyday life, but you have to learn them first. You have to become aware of them, you have to learn them. They're not complicated, but it is a new way of interacting with your life, instead of just letting your thoughts, your habitual thinking, run the show and all of your belief systems. It's taking the step back, it's slowing down a little bit and you know, and I think even the process you learned how to be in the process in a new way too, where it was like not putting pressure on yourself in the process also.

Speaker 2: 48:47

Yes, absolutely Learning to. You know, have some flexibility with all of that for sure. But, like you're, the way your program is set up, it's so genius, mary, it really is, because you you really do lay it out. You know, like at first you you got to kind of confront things and you really got to you have to look at everything for what it is. And then you know, for a while I was just, I stayed in that curious observer, just investigative state of just you know, kind of taking a step back and watching everything and watching my responses, and you know you just become a student of your own mind. You know, and that's really not not a lot of people do that, you know, and that once you get a glimpse in there, like then you know what you're working with you know?

Speaker 1: 49:37

Yeah, absolutely. Elizabeth's the spokesperson for the five ships.

Speaker 2: 49:44

I am, I am so completely, just yes, I cannot. It's just so good, it's so good.

Speaker 1: 49:52

Oh gosh, thank you so much. I mean, it wouldn't, it wouldn't have any impact without people utilizing it and it's been such a gift to share and there's so much to refine. And you know, I learned so much from teaching it. You know, because I have my brain and then I see how other people's interact with it. And you know, and one of the things I shared about doing this 40 day challenge that's coming up because this show, this is going to air before that is that it's really your medicine, though, right like it's your thinking, it's your values, it's your story that we're interacting with. So the tools are a neutral way to interact with the unique, authentic version of yourself.

Speaker 2: 50:41

You say yes, I say that's exactly exactly right. Yeah, you can. Each individual, whatever. Yeah, it's a, it's like a, you know, a blank canvas, in a way like you're bringing your own piece to it, but these are just, they're the best tools ever. Yeah, so yeah, once you go ahead and make oh yeah, once you start to integrate them into your life, it becomes second nature. It really does.

Speaker 1: 51:14

Yes, and that's what we want. Right, because there's. You want to be able to learn a new way. It's like you're not just unlearning alcohol, but you don't just unlearn alcohol. And just in you know, I think it's Einstein who has this quote of like you can't solve a problem with the same mindset that created it, or something like that, absolutely so. It's like, of course, you can't quit drinking when your beliefs are alcohol is the best thing that's ever happened to me, right, and so I think that's the one version of that. Or like, yeah, never be the same, or I'm missing out, and you know I've shared this a lot on the show. It's like the willingness to want to believe something new is absolutely required, even if you don't know what that is, that believing something new. It's just that you, you know the looking for, like, okay, what is that thing? That I know that knowing, what is that knowing? And you, you go in pursuit of that and you continue to connect with it. Yeah, oh, my gosh. So you're talking to a verse to Elizabeth, who was listening to the show five months ago, six months ago. What do you want to say to her? Because there is some version of her listening to this show right now from another one.

Speaker 2: 52:34

I love that. That's such a great question. Oh, hang in there, you beautiful, beautiful woman. You are absolutely not alone and you are worthy of everything that you want and just, oh, I'm just hugging her and just loving her so deeply and, yeah, it's going to be okay, it's going to be better than okay.

Speaker 1: 53:06

Yeah, oh, my gosh, what a great send off for the show. Thank you, elizabeth, so much for being here and for sharing your story and your wisdom with us, and we are all rooting for you and I just know I'm so excited to see, I'm just so excited, that you are gifting us with more of your light, because what this planet really needs is all of our shining hearts and our lights. And for the feminine to you know, take a lead, because we need some. We need some softness, but we also need some some fierce love, like you. Just you know that that hang in there and yeah, so thanks so much for being here.

Speaker 2: 53:47

Thank you so much, Mary, for everything. Thank you.

Speaker 1: 53:50

You're welcome and thanks to all of our listeners for being here today and we'll talk to you soon. Thank you so much for being a part of our circle here on the podcast, and if you are really resonating with this work and it's starting to open up and shift new perspectives and possibilities for you, I want to invite you to come on over to check out the Stop Drinking, start Living Portal of Empowerment. It is where we take all of the concepts from the show and not quit alcohol, but commit to a new lifestyle and learning a new way, so that you can develop a new self concept that goes beyond alcohol, so that you can create a life that does not need alteration. We take a deeper look at the concepts here and then you actually start to apply them to your life, showing up confident and proud as an example of what's possible. Visit my website, marywagstaffcoachcom, and learn how you can become a lifetime member of the Portal of Empowerment today. I'll see you there.